My Mom's Funny Dream

Sorry, Mom. I had to share.
Since I'm more than a little crazy, my mom has to wake me up and give me my pills every morning. (My only comfort is that someday it'll make me a better writer. Maybe?) Anyway, since I remember my dreams almost every night, I always groggily tell her all of the nonsensical details upon waking up. Today she was all excited to tell me about this extremely strange and gross dream she had, which I found really funny.

So apparently the dream began with my mom walking around a mansion, having labor pains. (Mom: "I think I must've been having gas pains in my sleep." I love that woman.)


People kept asking her if it was time to push yet, and she kept saying, "No! I'm not ready!"

Finally she decided it was time and lay down on a table to start pushing. She gave birth to an extremely tiny baby, which, according to her, didn't look entirely human. (Me: You were probably farting in your sleep.) The nurses took it away to clean up when something gross happened. (I think childbirth in general is gross, but this was actually kind of funny.)

A stream of amniotic fluid shot out of my mom - who was still in birthing position - in an arch, and hit a guy who was sitting on a couch watching T.V. a couple rooms over right in the head. He came over and started yelling at her and she got upset because it was obviously not her fault that she had shot amniotic fluid out of her vagina.

Then she kept asking about her baby, where it was and if it was okay, and the nurses weren't telling her anything, which is usually a bad sign. She was worried because it had been so small. But eventually, they brought the baby to her in a blanket and she was holding it when she woke up.

It's so interesting to think about what that dream could possibly mean. The reluctance to begin labor, the alien baby, the man angry at her for something out of her control, the concern for her child. It could relate to a reluctance to let something go or begin something new in her life, although I can't think of what. The alien baby could be me, because I've been having so much trouble lately. She's seeing a strange side of me, an "alien" side of me if you will, and she's been worried about me just like she was worried about the tiny baby.

As far as the amniotic fluid bit goes, I'm clueless. Her and my dad barely ever get mad at each other, so I highly doubt that that's it. Maybe there's some sort of tiff going on with her side of the family or one of her friends that I don't know about. It's possible, since she doesn't usually tell me things as they're happening unless it's urgent. (I can see why she wouldn't want to tell her psycho/depressed daughter about bad things until they were over with.)

Anyway, I know this is the first time I've ever blogged about someone else's dream. And I apologize for the added rant-ish stuff, I usually don't bother interpreting my own dreams, and if I do I say it in far fewer words. But I love my mom and she's worth it. (It's not that I don't enjoy writing extra, I do. I just think it turns readers off to see so much text, and I want to make sure the blog stays focused on the dreams and not on my personal life. I think they tell an interesting narrative of my experiences in their own strange way.)

If you made it this far, I'm impressed. This might just be the ADD talking, but I tend to lose interest in long blog posts about three paragraphs in. So thanks for taking the time to read!

Extremely Long and Incredibly Awesome

It's an intimidatingly long post, I know, but the dream gets more interesting as it goes and I would urge you to bear with it. I know I wrote it and all, and I'm biased, but I think it would be worth your time to read.


First I’m living with my friend Jody. I think about enrolling for classes at Macomb Community College and drive down there twice with Chewy, both times leaving him loose in the courtyard outside the registration building and both times failing to actually register for classes. When I walk out of the building the first time, Chewy is obediently waiting there for me. When I walk out the second time, I have to call his name several times, but he eventually comes running. Since I recently had a really good picture taken of Chewy and I, I'm going to display it here.

When I get back to Jody’s I get into our shared bunk bed and put on my headphones. Later, I get up and go swimming for the last time in her indoor lake.


The indoor lake is in this giant room that has big windows and a few pillars to swim around. The water has filled up the entire room with the exception of four or five feet of air at the surface, right below the ceiling. The water is beautifully blue and clear, and there are the expected seaweed beds and wildlife. I have a certain system to swimming around the lake. I swim to these two particular songs in my head, (one of them might have been "Defying Gravity") and I always go the same way at the same point in the song, interact with the water snake at the same verse every time, etc. (The water snake is pretty oblivious to me, which I think is a very good thing.) I glide through my normal routine extremely happily and calmly, which makes me wish I could do it in real life. I surface a couple times for air, although the water is a few feet higher than it usually is so it throws me off a little bit, but I don’t care very much.

When I finish and get out of the lake, there are several of my friends including Jody (but the rest I don’t really recognize) waiting for me. They tell me we were going to run a marathon down the length of the train.


Now I realize that we’re on a train that I’ve been on several times before, a train that travels between the dozens of districts that make up our country, and we utilize the last car to get on and off of because we live in the final district, a sandy, Tattooine-esque farmland with a few lakes.

My friends are now people who I don’t recognize but who I know to be my sisters. Me and my one older sister are both married, and she is pregnant while we’re doing our marathon. We also have several younger sisters, but none of them too much younger, all in their early or late teens. We open up a bunch of the train car doors and start jogging down the line.

When we’ve run a fair amount, we turn around and run back to the last car, which we get on and off of because, again, we’re the last district in what I now realize is a post-apocalyptic America. (I’ve been reading the Hunger Games… deal with it.)

The last car has a small covered area but is mostly exposed. There is an attendant in it because it can be dangerous while the train is moving.

Our attendant is young, dark-haired, and attractive and I notice he has a fake leg. At a certain point in the train-ride where we seem air-borne, there is a sort of energy field surrounding the last car and we can run outside of its boundaries and onto the air, and still stay held up by some unknown force. My sisters, the cute attendant, and I run out past the last car and play catch with a ball for the time we’re able to be standing on the air.
When we arrive back at our district we get off the train from the last car and return to our home, where our mother (who I don’t recognize either) is waiting.

Our district is very simple, like most of them, doesn’t have much of a government, and doesn’t have vehicles or technology except for the train. However, I know that all of the districts are just as simple, we just have different specialties. (Again with the Hunger Games, I know.)

My sister has her baby in one of the lakes near a buoy. It’s pretty gross, but not any different than regular disgusting childbirth.

Then I get back on the train to take a normal, everyday trip to one of the other districts to grocery shop or something. I get on the last car, as usual.


When I get off into a grocery store in an Asian district, I run into my best friend Jordan and we shop together. (That's him in the picture with me.) We talk about getting an apartment together soon, and when we get back on the train we part ways.

I start to return to the last car as usual, and I’m looking forward to seeing the attractive one-legged attendant again. But I realize quickly that something is going wrong.

The last several cars (and there are hundreds of cars on this train) are jerking around, unmanned. When I get to the last one, there is no attendant in sight.

Someone who works on the train is searching around for an attendant to fill in, because someone must control the last car or we will lose control of the back several cars. Finally they find three people, two guys and a girl, who are apparently somewhat experienced and will help conduct the last cars back with the rest of the train safely. One of the two boys is very tall and wide and has dark hair and heavy dark eyebrows. He’s quiet and grumpy-looking and seems to be the only one who has compliance with safety standards whatsoever. The other boy has wild curly hair and a mischievous gleam in his eye, and the girl has the same look about her. I blow a kiss to the boy because I find him cute, and he accepts it with a wink. They take charge of the back cars recklessly, and before the small crowd of passengers and I know what’s happening, the back cars have separated from the rest of the train and are flying along the tracks wildly.


I get sucked in with the two crazy attendants along with several other passengers, and before we know what’s happening the cars are flying through the air and then splitting, then the tracks are splitting, and then I’m left lying face-down in the sand, who knows how far away from my district or a train boarding site, with several other passengers.

The group of us slowly get up and begin wandering in the direction the train had been going, towards our back districts.

We walk for the whole day, not really with each other but just as a loose group. When it gets dark out, people start dropping down to the ground to sleep, but I decide I’m going to walk as far as I can before I’m absolutely too tired to continue. So I keep walking into the night, with a few other people who are pushing through with me.

As it gets darker it gets colder and before I know it, it starts to rain. Luckily we have found a small portable overhang/tent–looking thing and the few of us huddle under it as it rains. As we’re huddled there, a woman in a dark trench coat comes up to us.

Apparently what little leadership there is among the districts has become suspicious of the large group of people wandering towards the farthest districts and sent someone to check us out. Me and my little group under the tent explain what happened and insist that we’re not up to anything, even digging into our pockets to pay the woman to believe us.

However, after minimal convincing she does seem to trust us. She tells us that she believes the train will come back to pick us up for one reason – because I blew the attendant a kiss and he won’t forget me because of it.

Sure enough, the next morning the train pulls up to us as we’re struggling through the sand, and the crazy curly-haired attendant calls out to me dramatically and operatically, obviously joking, but I go along with it so that we can all get back on the train were we belong.

Once we’re back on the train, we’re in a section of it from which we cannot get to the back car. So we have to get off at a stop far before the ones we were meant to get off at.
At that point, there is a small, uncovered, people-mover-style train that will take us some of the way through some of the more technologically advanced (though not by much) districts.
I get on it along with several of the other passengers who are still journeying towards their districts. At this point it seems that a few weeks have passed since I initially got on the train.

We pass through several districts that I’ve never been in before, the Asian supermarket district, and a Hawaiian island-style district where everyone is dark-skinned and large. (It seems that race and dialect are all according to district - there are no melting-pot style districts like America. And I’m obviously from a Caucasian/European district because I’m white, as usual.)


I have a companion with whom I’ve been traveling for a while now. He’s about my height, a little taller, with tight red curls and a nice face. He looks kind of like Evan Peters but a ginger and a tiny bit uglier.

We have a mutual attraction to each other, and at one point when it seems like we’ll never get back to our districts, I hit a significant (although extremely belated) milestone in my dream life – my first sex dream.

(May I remind you that I do not censor my dreams, but I won’t go into too much description. Everyone know what constitutes having sex, I don’t have to be specific.)

The curly red-head and I are passing through some sort of industrial warehouse when we take the opportunity to duck behind some sheet metal. We strip down and hold each other naked, and then we have sex for the first time, standing up. (That's pretty kinky for my innocent brain.) At first I’m not sure if I like it, but it starts to feel way better after a couple seconds. I don't know if he was well endowed or just really good at what he was doing, but it was pretty amazing.

I know I said I was married earlier in the dream, and I still am. I even told my ginger companion this. But it didn’t make a difference to us because we were both unsure if we’d ever make it back to our districts.

Before we could finish, so to speak, someone came too close to us for comfort and almost discovered us. We quickly got dressed and continued on our journey, although always keeping an eye out for somewhere else to sneak off to and consummate.

A little while after this, we’re walking along some tracks when a rescue team from Ginger Sex Buddy’s district shows up and throws down some blue and white ropes for him to grab onto so they can bring him back to his district, which is closer than mine, safely.

He’s reluctant to leave because he doesn’t want to have to say goodbye to me, but I tearfully tell him that it’s the best thing for him to go back to his district and forget about me. We sadly part ways.

I continue my journey on my own, encountering a large sand dune raining chunks of sand down on me, forcing me to wade into a neighboring lake to avoid getting buried. According to one of the natives of the sandy district, it's because of a recent and serious ant problem.

I’m following the road through the Asian supermarket again when I come across my husband, a big, decent-looking-but-not-really-my-type Asian guy, working at the supermarket. We hug each other happily and he accompanies me the rest of the way home, although Ginger Sex Buddy remains in the back of my mind.


My husband looked a lot like this guy, except Asian.





On the rest of the way home, I start seeing strange vehicles that I don't recognize and hints of pollution in our previously pure home district. As we get closer and closer to my house and the sights get more and more worrisome, I realize with a sinking heart that this peaceful new world we had created after the apocalypse was slowly reverting back to the old America that had eventually destroyed itself, and that our world would continue in an endless cycle of death and re-birth.

Out of all of the profound, sexy, interesting dreams I've ever had, this one took the cake.

Watching too much "Walking Dead."

Something about zombies.

The Windows to the Soul - A Nightmare

First nightmares I've had in months.

From what I can gather, this is the basic plot of the dream.

I live in a town that has some sort of extremely prestigious high school quiz bowl/jeopardy type team. The team qualifies for each level of competition every year and wins every year. In the current year, I am on the team with two other people, a tall, dark-haired guy about my age, and a shorter blonde boy who looks about fourteen.

There's an underlying fear throughout the team, however, that has to do with a legend about the quiz bowl team. Any year that the team hasn't gotten a high enough score to qualify for a tournament or has lost a tournament, the team members mysteriously disappear when the season's over.

Unfortunately for the three of us, our quiz bowl team doesn't qualify for a tournament because we haven't done well enough during the beginning of the season. Shortly after finding this out, I have some sort of flashback.

There was a young, red-headed woman. Her hair was a little longer than chin length, and she looked very sophisticated for a high-schooler. She had been on the quiz bowl team during one of the years it had failed.

In the flashback, she was being pursued by an older man, he looked about fifty or so. He had thinning brown hair and was kind of fat. He was about to catch her.


When he had successfully captured her, he took out a knife and cut a curved line along the bottom of each of her eyelids, cut across the bridge of her nose, and then above her eyes. As I watched in horror, he began to gouge her eyeballs out. I snapped out of the flashback before it got too graphic.

Upon returning to the present, I realized that the man in my flashback was a man whom the team was currently familiar with. He was either a coach or a sponsor, I don't remember which. The worst part of that realization was the fact that my two other team members and I were currently in the man's house.

He had left us alone for a few moments and I immediately started looking for a way out. My teammates had been quickly realizing that something was wrong as well.

We began running around the first floor of the house looking for a way to escape when the young redhead from my flashback, her eyes fully intact, appeared to me and told me to get in her car, she'd help me escape. She seemed to be some sort of spirit.

I got in the car with her and we began driving, but something went wrong (I don't remember what) and I ended back in the house, the redhead nowhere to be found.

Me and the boys found a staircase leading down to the basement and ran down there. (Probably not the best idea. Dream Grace doesn't make good decisions.)

The basement was horrendous. It smelled horrible, and there was slime everywhere. The weirdest part was that there were several cats here and there, big, stinky, disgusting cats that seemed foul and mistreated.


We ran through a doorway into what was unfortunately a room full of reeking litter boxes. We closed the door and started examining the small window to see if we could escape from it.

As the older boy and I were standing against the wall and the younger boy was in front of the window, the door to the room swung open and the man charged in. The older boy and I were hidden from view by the now-open door, but the man ran right at the younger boy, his arms out and ready to attack.

And that moment, my heart pounding as I feared not only for my teammate's life but for my own, seeing as the door could only do so much, is the moment at which I finally woke up.

A Series of Unfortunate Dream Events

Our family gets in a car accident while going on a family trip. However, my dad is not my dad, he's guy who kind of looks like this. (Hopefully I will have remembered to put a picture in here.)








And my mom looks like this.









And I have several sisters and a brother. We’re going to some sort of joke museum, which my mom and I are upset about because we had had something else in mind. The exit we take off the highway to get there (in Indiana, I believe it is) has two and a half lanes. We got into one of the lanes, but all of the other drivers were confused and people were going different directions in the same lanes. We swerved around, trying to avoid the oncoming traffic, but finally got hit head-on by another car. Dad is badly burned over a lot of his body and my sister has a head injury. An ambulance arrives almost immediately and we get taken to Seattle Grace Hospital from Grey's Anatomy.



George and Izzy, two characters on the show, take away my dad and sister to take care of them. The rest of my family, my mom and sisters and I, are waiting around anxiously for news. (My brother seems to have disappeared.) Myself and one of other sisters, a short chubby girl, go down to the hospital gift shop, which bears a near-exact resemblance to the market that was underneath my dorm back at college.

When we pick out some junk food to buy, she tells me she's going to pay and pulls out an unfamiliar wallet from her purse. I grab her bag and look in it and see several unfamiliar wallets. She has apparently been pick-pocketing people since we got here. Rebecca/Ava, another character from Grey's (who was a patient on the show but is in nurse's scrubs here) walks up from farther back in the line at the register and asks if her wallet is in there, because it's missing. I pull out a handful of wallets from the bag and show them to her, and she identifies a brown leather one as hers.



At this point there are two nonsensical breaks in the story line. (After these deviations, it returns to the original dream.) The dream moves to a hallway full of practice rooms. Owen Hunt, another Grey's doctor, is in the hallway, and several young men are attempting to play string instruments. Hunt takes a violin from one of them and begins to play it as a demonstration. It's amazing.


That part ends quickly, and the scene shifts to my paternal grandmother's living room, on her beige couch with red and green stripes. (Sounds ugly - actually the most comfortable couch in the world.) My real-life mom and I are watching this whole dream thus far play out on a Grey’s Anatomy episode on my laptop, and she is actually enjoying it. (I say "actually" because my mom thinks TV dramas are stupid.)

Then we get back to the original story line. My dream mom, my sisters and I are out in one of our other cars, driving along that same stretch of highway exit and get in another car accident hit head-on again. We lasted slightly longer swerving around the lanes than we had with Dad driving. When we all become aware again, I realize that my legs and hand are broken. They feel weird and heavy and achy and we have to wait forever for an ambulance to come.

I try calling 911 again and again, but I can't push the right buttons, and when I do the call doesn't go through. An ambulance finally comes with an old childhood friend of mine, Courtney, calls 911 when her and her mom drive by and see us lying in the ditch.

We get in the ambulance and it has 2 rooms. I’m lying on a stretcher in the main room. I can’t find my cat or my bird, Blake, and this is suddenly the biggest problem in my life. (I don’t have a bird named Blake, and I don't believe my cat was with us.) I'm freaking out and trying to search everywhere, despite my multiple injuries. When we get to the hospital I refuse to get out of the ambulance for a good fifteen minutes while I was looking for them until finally Izzy makes me get out and takes me into the hospital.

The next thing I remember is having another ambulance ride, this time back to my house. None of my family is with me, except, inexplicably, Stewie Griffin.

The ambulance drops me off, completely immobile in three casts, in my front yard. It drives off, leaving me lying there in the grass waiting for the rest of my family to return home.

In conclusion, I am not proud of how much television I watch.

Saved by Senõr Chang

In the beginning of this dream, I'm walking down a hallway and I come across the new rising star of my nightmares, Ex-Boyfriend. (First Ex-Boyrfiend. Original Ex-Boyfriend.) He's with an old friend of mine, Fran.

I go over to talk to them, and they say they have something to tell me. They inform me that right after Ex-Boyfriend and I broke up, he and Fran slept together.
I don't know what to say, so I try to punch Ex-Boyfriend and fail. Then I leave.




I find myself in a grocery store, and I'm floating high above the ground, only a foot or so below the ceiling. It's a huge store, so the ceiling is tall.

At first I'm enjoying myself, because I can clumsily direct myself around in the air, and I discover quickly that nobody can see me.

After a few moments of exploring my new-found abilities, I see a group of people walk in through that glass doors. I realize that it's a group of my good friends. I know there were more than three of them, but the only three I remember were my real-life friend Luke, and the high school equivalents of Meredith and Christina from "Grey's Anatomy."

When I see them, I realize immediately that I'm dead.

They're here together to support each other, because I've only been dead for a couple of days. I can see it in their faces, and it starts making sense to me why no one can see me, why I'm floating, and why I showed up in this store just as my closest friends arrived.
You'd probably think I'd want to be with them, or fly over near them.

I start drifting towards them, forces out of my control seem to be pulling me against my will. But surprisingly, I don't want to go near my friends. I don't want them to feel my presence. I want to see them sad, I don't want them to know I'm here.

I'm struggling to fly away from my friends, trying to get back up to the ceiling. I like it better there.


Unfortunately, I get close enough for my hand to brush against Luke's arm. He gasps and looks up at the rest of my friends, and says he can feel my presence. I scoff and try harder to get away. My friends start freaking out, trying to see me and trying to talk to me. I don't want to be with them, I don't like the attention, but I can't get away. They're chasing me now, and it's as if I'm swimming through molasses back up to the ceiling.

I'm finally free of the pulling forces and I start flying around the store near the ceiling again, trying to get as far away from my friends as possible. However, they keep catching up to me.


I find my way out after a little while of being chased around the store - there are a bunch of grocery store workers - two of which are Jeff Winger and Senor Chang from "Community" - and they're loading these cheese-pastry-things into a truck by pitching them out a giant open window. I take the opportunity and shoot out the window with the cheese pastries, leaving my friends in the store alone.

As soon I'm out the window I'm free. I fly over some rolling green hills, but I encounter another friend of mine who's dribbling a soccer ball on one of the hills, and get pulled down towards her, too. She senses me, but I get away before she does anything.

I end up in Detroit.


I'm flying around and I see a bunch of billboards advertising an Aubrey Plaza stand-up show. (She's April from "Parks & Rec," but the signs specifically said "Aubrey Plaza.") I end up on the roof of a red brick building, either a club or a restaurant I believe. I perch myself on the four or five-foot high ledge around the roof of the building. When I look down, I see an iPhone in a pink case sitting on the ledge next to me. I unlock the screen and look through a couple of pictures of a kind-of-slutty-looking dark-haired girl, then spontaneously throw the phone off of the roof, because who cares what I do? I'm dead.

That's about it. I think there was some stuff with my mom, but I don't really remember it very much. All in all it was a pretty awesome flying dream, even though I was dead the whole time.

Here's a little bit of Chang for the masses.